The beginning (well, not really...)

And so I am beginning the process of telling our story.  Our story actually probably began about 15 years ago, when I first left the comfort of the Western world and travelled to India.  Anyone who knows me has heard me talk about the absolute hearbreak that I felt walking off the plane into the filth of Bombay airport, where I was greeted by a tiny boy, maybe 4 years old, alone and trying to sell me a newspaper at 4 am.  The bus ride into the city took my breath away.  I had never been so close to poverty.  Miles and miles of towns with houses made of cardboard or corrugated metal, groups of dirty children playing with old tires and mangy-looking dogs stretched on as far as I could see.  A seed was planted in my heart on that trip that has grown and developed into this need to try to make some difference, no matter how small.
Our year spent in Central America was an enlightening one.  Dave and I learned that our intentions were grandiose in the face of the reality of poverty.  The scope of what we were able to do was so pitifully small: buy groceries for one family, drive the baby with the anencephaly (missing brain) to the city and pay for the CT scan with our credit card, buy the coffin and transport the body of the toddler who had died of diarrhea.  I was often despondent, and felt so helpless and overwhelmed.
And here we are again, planning to go abroad to try to "help".  Mostly, I am afraid.
I am afraid of all that I will not be able to do.  I am afraid of looking into the eyes of another mama and telling her that I cannot  save her baby.  I am afraid of the anger and pain of the inequality that I will see, and of the gap that will grow between myself and my friends and family back home who are not faced daily with this inequity, and so do nothing. Having done this before, I harbor fewer illusions.
There is some excitement.  I love travel, and I am looking forward to exploring Malawi and the surrounding countries.  I love the challenge of trying to live without the "essentials" of home, and already walk around with long lists of things I need to start hoarding before we go (face cream, Melatonin, Reeses peanut butter cups).  I look forward to sharing more of this beautiful planet with my family, and to having the opportunity to plant the seed of service in their hearts. 
I will try to keep posts to let people know what we are seeing and feeling.  I hope that they are not depressing to people, but I hope that they are affecting.  I hope that more seeds will be planted, and I hope they grow.  Anyone can do what we are doing.  We are not special, just determined.