One more day...

So I feel more peaceful about our decision every day. Although it has been a tumultuous week with some of the hardest moments of my professional career, I have been surrounded by great people here at Baylor, and have been comforted by messages of support and love from friends and family. I've had several more conversations with people who have families and who either live in Lilongwe already or are planning a move imminently. I know I am feeling more settled, because I have started worrying again about whether or not to bring the trampoline, and how to make homemade soy milk.
Things on the ground in Malawi continue to be peaceful, although the turmoil will likely bring more suffering to the poorest people in the country. Disruptions in transportation during demonstrations and the withholding of aid money from countries dismayed by the government's decision to fire live ammunition and tear gas at the demonstrators will likely result in interruptions in access to medications. When sick children can't get their meds, they die. Life is likely to get harder in Malawi unless things change.
So how do I feel? I feel scared, excited, anxious to live in a home that is not the Residence Inn in Houston, dreading the two days of flying with the children, grateful that I have my
husband by my side as we set out on this journey together. I know it will be hard. I know I will watch babies die every day, for no other reason than because we have too much, and they do not have enough. I know I will miss home, and that people will be worrying about me and my children from thousands of miles away. I do not have high hopes for changing the course of the world. I know that I will have to find success in small accomplishments, and learn to live with the heartache of inequity. If I cannot save lives (and I pray that I can), then I hope that I can bring some comfort to the dying and peace to the grieving. I hope that my kids learn and grow, and remain unharmed and happy, but with a more
realistic view of the world and the miracle that is our life here in the States.
It is bizarre to be huddled in bed in a hotel room, waiting to leave and knowing that I will come back a changed person. The next time I write it will be from our new home.